People come to China for vastly different reasons.

China is not for everyone as I have quickly discovered. About a week ago, an older, fatter man from the Massachusetts area came to work here after a rather long drawn out Visa application process and from the moment that he arrived here in Chenzhou, he has not been approaching the job or the change in lifestyle in the best way. IE--this dude is having his own episode of the reality show Extreme Cultural Change!!!
I must share a funny story with you. When I first arrived here in Chenzhou, I knew pretty much right off the bat that I needed to take some time to get used to the environment here in Chenzhou as I am not Chinese and do not speak the language. When it comes down to it, I don't even like to use the same toilet as the Chinese, so I knew that the best thing to do was to always try to go into the city with someone--not because I was concerned for my safety, but because if I needed anything--anything at all, I could rely on the safety of a friend to help me get it. Besides, doing things with other people is a lot of fun. It took me about two weeks before I finally decided that I would go into downtown by myself and check out what the city had to offer. It was great. I went to McDonald's, realized I had a meeting that night, caught the bus, got my wallet nicked and showed up late to the meeting.
So I quickly learned that having people with you costs less and is fun.
Phillip, on the other hand, did have time to be told this lesson, so he had to learn it on his own.
Twice.
First, Phillip managed to go downtown by himself in the first couple of days he got here. I am not sure why, but he wanted to. He got back on the bus, in the evening, and got off when he saw what he thought looked like a nice place to get a massage.
Now, for those of you who are not aware, massage is generally code named for erotic massage, or sex parlor. So, when someone says they are looking for a good massage parlor, you have to give them the once over look and if they mean a legitimate massage parlor, they will immediately chime in that they mean a REAL massage parlor. Usually, I am still suspect.
With Phillip, I didn't know which one he meant--as he is weird in the sense that I am pretty sure his last wife was an Asian woman that he met while in Hong Kong--yet at the same time, he has significant health issues, so I am fairly sure that he wants a good massage that also might throw in the occasional handjob. He seems like that kind of guy.
So he finds a place that seems like it will offer what he is looking for. When he makes this statement, I give him the once over look and he quickly responds back that everyone in the establishment had the white lab coats on which makes me laugh internally. Nice save, I think to myself, committing this excuse to memory.. It's legit... They have Lab Coats.
He goes in and one of the women speaks a little English. She understands what he wants and directs him to sit down in the waiting room while they prepare the room for him.
He ends up sitting next to another person who it would later turn out, is the second in command at a cigarette factory in Hunan. Second in command generally means several things. 1. He is in a high position and is more than likely a government official. 2. This place will more than likely give the occasional handjob.
He is overly friendly to Phillip and immediately Phillip is rather frightened by the mans friendly tone. Phillip is from the east coast of the United States, where no one is friendly unless they know you.
Before Phillip can get too bent out of shape, the woman comes in to fetch him and he heads upstairs to a private room and instructed to take a shower, which he does. He says it was a nice shower. When he comes out into the private room, he is only wearing a towel and he lays on the table and waits for the woman to come in.
Instead the tobacco man comes in.
In his broken Chinglish, he attempts to talk to Phillip who is now freaked out because he possessions are all away from him--he is helpless in a towel on a table and a Chinese man has just entered his private room and is talking to him. Phillip begins an immediate protest--as anyone probably would do at this point, and the man hands him his cards and leaves.
Phillip is a nervous man and this freaks him out.
Yet he still decided to have his massage.
He seems to have forgotten about the incident because when she is finished with him, he feels so good that he attempts to ask for another massage. The manager seems to understand what he is asking for and nods his head in approval. As he walks back up to the room, the manager yells at him and again, there is the cigarette man, smiling at him.
The manager seems to have changed his mind and is now telling him no and Phillip accepts this and offers to pay, but his money is declined. The cigarette man has paid for his massage.
Then, confusion begins to happen. The man, who was apparently really drunk, tries to communicate to Phillip that he would like to take him out and that he has a car waiting. Phillip does not understand this method of communication and instead instantly becomes on the defensive. The man, sensing the confusion grabs Phillip by the arm to direct him to what he means.
This is a good point to mention that Americans have personal bubbles and the Chinese do not seem to be aware of these personal bubbles. Phillip, seems to have a large personal bubble.
Phillip then immediately jumps into defensive mode and grabs the mans arm and brushes it away, but the man, eager to just get him to understand, grabs it again and begins pushing him in the direction of the car-- which is parked outside of the establishment. It would seem that at this point Phillip has images of a middle eastern kidnapping of a journalist must go down--a dark Mercedes with a door open, armed gunmen on the inside waiting to whisk him off to a room for a beheading jihad style.
Phillip seems to forget that he is just a teacher at the local University--which is more of a famed figure than that of someone who would be kidnapped.
However, fear takes hold and he sprints his 350+ frame out of the area and keeps running until he can not run any longer--which I would assume would be about three or four blocks.
He eventually discovers a bus and comes home--very frightened as he has almost been abducted and possibly beheaded, all because he just wanted a "massage".
At this point, Phillip has been here all of three days.
Two days after this experience, his goes back into the city, by himself, and comes home and as he is getting off of the bus at the University, someone picks his pocket. Phillip notices this and begins to give chase. He chases the man around the bus several times and the man has finally had enough and jumps on the back of a motorbike and heads off--Phillip does not give chase.
For obvious reasons, Phillip does not feel safe in China.
For even more obvious reasons, it is just a good idea to make friends in a foreign country and take time to go shopping with them whenever possible.
After all, this is China. Read more!

So, I have had a few questions as to what exactly a chinese toilet looks like, so I thought I would show you the one in my flat. As you can see, this is a nice model--constructed of fine Chinese Porcelin, this little gem is a true squatters dream. Just aim for the bullseye and away you go!!!


I can't wait for visitors to come and see this fine piece of work and sample its wonderful uses once we go out for some of the wonderful chinese food in Hunan, such as whole duck with beer and pepper!!

No place ever provides toilet paper either, so make sure to bring your own!!!







Here is another installment of English Corner!! Its an exciting time where Chinese students get together to have a good time and speak English and sing great English songs. At this particular event, we got to sing My Heart Will Go On, by the very famous Celine Dion and some select Backstreet Boys songs. I must tell you, I was in heaven!





4 Foreigners in Changsha!!
This is a lovely park in Changsha--and it is HUGE.
Kimberely from Wazzu, Clare from England, Eddie from North Carolina and well, lil' ole me!!





A random shot of the University. This is about 10% of it. The building to the left is the building that I primarily teach in. Read more!

So. I have heard of things like this happeneing--the freak out that comes with travelling in a country where the majority of people are peasants and do not understand that an orderly progression to the train is OK. Everyone will get on the train!!! As you can see, these people were in such a hurry that they just decided to go through the windows!!! But, big surprise--the train didnt leave until EVERYONE WAS ON BOARD!!! CRAZY!!!!



Fruit Anyone?








I don't know what is worse--the way this guy is dressed and the fact that the girl with him is wearing matching green -- OR THAT THIS ASSHOLE DYIED HIS DOG PINK!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME MAN? WHERE IS PETA?
Oh, right, there is no PETA in China--the country that EATS DOG. I guess this one should be happy he just looks like an Easter Egg!!!




Uh, yeah. If I am that red in the face, I have been drinking. This lovely little girls wear wearing this hot stewardess outfits from the 70's--Complete with the moon boots--which they wouldnt let me take a picture of... For some reason.
Random.






Always look for the Chinese guy in a tie with chicks with the Pat Benetar 80's hair--that means this guy likes to party-- AND NOTHING SAYS PARTY LIKE HAVING A REAL LIVE AMERICAN SITTING AT YOUR TABLE DRINKING ALL OF YOUR VODKA!!! (which, if you dont watch it, they water it down too much, but I keep my eye on 'em)
--I know Mom, its not good for the kidney stones, but a brother's gots to party!!!! Read more!

On Changsha

This weekend was unlike any that I have experienced thus far in China as it was the first one that was spent mostly with westerners. I received an email sometime last week from someone I went to school with at WSU, Kimberly. She and I had a class or two together and we have been emailing the same professor, Dr. Robert Staab, one of the best professors at WSU. She sent me an email and it turned out that we also had a friend in common, Clare from England, who is teaching in her program here in Chenzhou.
Clair had phoned me a couple of days after I discovered all of this information and wanted to drop in and watch some DVD's here at my flat. When we met up, she mentioned that she was going to be off of work for the next four days and wondered if I would like to travel somewhere with her in that period of time. I agreed as my schedule was also quite open for the next couple of days. After talking about the small world phenomena that Kimberly and I went to school with each other, we decided to take off to Changsha.
We went into town that evening and bought a couple of tickets to go to the provincial capital the next afternoon. Buying train tickets is always a challenge in the smaller cities because there is not anyone at the ticket counter who speaks English, so we always try to get people to come with us to buy the tickets. This time however, we were going to attempt to do it on our own as Clare is getting very good at speaking the language and writing the characters. We did not get the chance to practice, however. Close to the train station, two of my students boarded the bus and offered to assist us in purchasing the tickets, which we were happy to have them do. The line at the station was a long one as they always are in the evenings--there are only two windows open when during the day, there are about 8. We spent the time speaking to these students who speak English pretty well and enjoy the evening. It would seemingly be the last night of the warm summer like weather that I have grown so used to while here.
After about 40 minutes of standing in line, we were on our way. We did not book return tickets, which turned out to be lucky.
The next morning, I awoke to find it raining and dark outside. I quickly made some coffee and set out to prepare for my journey. I found packing easy as it was a short trip--just a pair of shorts, some summer shirts and a change of undoes and I was on my way. The weather was still warm, so there was seemingly no need for any pants or warm clothes. Big mistake.
The weather has changed quite a lot in the last couple of days--the temperature is much colder than before and it rained through most of my trip to Changsha. I was cold most of the weekend, but it was still quite bearable. I was the only one with shorts on, however.
The trip to Changsha was long, but not unbearable. The train system in China is interesting. The trains, depending on if they originate from your destination or if they are coming from somewhere else are almost always crowded, but not as crowded as I thought when I read about them in the travel books. There are usually standing only tickets, but the ticket agents do not seem to book these for westerners. The seating in the seated cars is basically two wider seats facing each other with one small table on one side and two small seats facing two seats on the other side. Cramped, but not uncomfortable. I am a big guy and I fit quite nicely. If the train originates in your destination, which it did in my case, then the train is pretty clean. It does get beyond dirty in a short period of time. People generally create a huge mess in a short period of time. People eat their own food in mass on the train, so there are shells and garbage that quickly pile up on the floors. Smoking is not as much of an issue as I thought it would be-the majority of smoking occurs on the link between the train cars--these are considered to be the smoking lounges and I am usually seated in the middle of the train.
The train, like most other modes of distance travel, loves to play Chinese music at the beginning of the journey and the end. It is not as bad as the bus, which plays music constantly during the entire time you are on board. Thank god for my ipod.
The other thing about the train is the constant service by the attendants. Small little iron pushcarts are pushed through the aisles with people shouting what they are selling -- beer, smokes, sodas, nuts, and noodles in one cart, fruits of all kinds in another cart--and then the dinner carts. The dinner carts range from light snacks of chicken feet in hot sauce to large bowls of at one time hot food. If this is ordered, you will pay a high price for a little food which even the Chinese do not seem to appreciate that much at all.
Clare and I stuck to the things we brought. Cheese from Guinness with the best crackers I have found--shallot crackers with a hint of pepper--delicious. We also had some nice strawberry yogurt and a good batch of other little snacks, so we were able to not have to go for any of the overpriced train food.
The other interesting feature on the train is that the attendants also come through in the middle of the trip with a bull horn to sell you some socks. Yes, socks. The entire demonstration seems to be too get you to buy the socks just to stop them from yelling in the fastest Chinese to buy the socks. As they are shouting about how good these particular socks are, they actually open up a pack of them and stretch them out as far as they will go while shouting what would appear to be that these socks stretch as far as they can go and still go back into the same shape that you bought them in!
I still wasn't sold.
They then proceed to have one person stretch them slightly, while the other person bashed the sock, mid-air, with a steel pick brush. The bull horn informer continued as they committed sock abuse, but there were no tears and the sock looked good as new.
I still wasn't sold.
Then, to make it all seem like it is too good of a deal and everyone would want one, they place one set at each table and continue to speak about the greatness of the socks! As amazed as I was about the great sock hunt, I still wasn't sold.
disappointed especially at us for being Westerner's who obviously came to china because of the great deals to be had, the man with the bull horn gave us a dirty look and moved on. I continued to journal and Clare had an attempt at a nap.
Nearly five hours later, we arrived to a rainy and cold Changsha. It felt like winters in Seattle--hard, cold wind pelting rain diagonally across my face. It felt good to be out of my element, but being tossed into these elements was a bit much.
I thought briefly to myself that this is the perfect recipe for another round of illness--after all, I did have the last week off from anything major, so I am due for something like the common cold, right?
Luckily, we didn't have to wait long at all for Kimberly to finish off her daily teaching. Clair called her and we set off on the tour d' Changsha. I was surprised to actually remembering seeing Kimberly around the campus and I am still sure that she is good friends with one of my friends, but I can't seem to pin it down. It was great to see someone even vaguely familiar and throughout the weekend we would have side conversations about this in Washington that the other people didn't know about (although there were some other WorldTeach people that were from the U of Washington --who are going to lose the apple cup again this year, I promise--as well as some people from UPS, but they still didn't have the ultimate Washington college experience) so it was particularly nice to spend some time with her and the other teachers.
Upon our arrival on Friday, we went out for some food, which as always, ordering food is a constant challenge, even when you point out the food you think you have ordered, you seem to never get the same thing. We ordered dumplings that were supposed to be vegetarian and they may have been, but they tasted like pork and didnt look to be 100% vege. We also ordered some squash, which turned out to be spicy cucumbers with slightly too much vinegar or a vinegar like substance, some pork ribs which were a great surprise as they were meaty arrangements with the meat simply falling off the bone--yum. In all, way too much food, but it was really quite nice to hang out and talk about cougar football and life in Pullman. We tried to place each other in life, which was accomplished quite well--but I am still stumped as to exactly who I remember her hanging out with--this happens alot. We had class together, she went to one of the Middle Eastern Pride nights--wat up Munchiez? and she inquired about "Outdoorsmen" the great flick about drunken Olympics-- I think we might need to do a Chinese version of this while we are here. We will get a bunch of Chinese people wasted and make them do wired Olympic style things.
I think my personal favorite would be the high heeled pointy shoes 100meter hurdles!
Anyway, I digress.
Following dinner, we journeyed to one of the many coffee houses in China that have never been set up by a westerner--like most other things in China, the Chinese western coffee's is a poor replica of reality--and you pay a lot of money to get close to the real thing. I paid 60rmb for two cappucino coffees, which were nothing more than Nescafe and whipped cream. Awful--but it is more about the experience than anything else--and sitting around chatting about the world was a lot of fun as well.
Soon after, another teacher, from UNC, arrived. Eddie is a nice guy in a bad situation in another town. He was the first of many horror stories that I have heard about, but it was the first in person that I was able to listen to and ask questions about. With most of the stories that you hear from people that are bad, they are usually questionable people with questionable attititudes. Eddie, however, is the man. Although he is clearly having a strange time on his own in the depths of Hunan life, he keeps a good idea about it and keeps his chin up as he works his way through the weirdness that is Hunan.
Let me tell you this now-- I HAVE IT GOOD HERE. Sure, my kids appear a bit aloof at times and they dont have much access to good information and are simple people in general, but they aren't what's going on in the middle schools. My students have done well enough in English to actually be accepted into the English program at a University in their province, and that is saying that they care. Most of the teachers that I spoke with from World Teach have similar issues, but Eddie's kids seem to be directly from the Asian side of hell.
First problem with kids in middle school--they stay in one room for the whole year. They don't go to different rooms for different classes, the teachers come into their class and present and then leave and the next teacher comes in.
I would not do well in this environment--and I didn't when I was a kid, so I can see why he has some of the challenges he does.
Most of the kids he teaches have no ability or desire to go to college, so this is another issue. If you don't think you are ever going to really need to use English, then why pay attention to the lesson? My kids really think they are going to all be translators, so they love to work on whatever I throw at them.
oops, I have taken a little too long with this post--it is time for another round of English corner with my students--so I will post more later--because there is much, much more to tell.... Read more!