10:30am
Six hours from departing for San Fransisco, where I will see DMB for the 1st time in about a year!!! Very excited about getting out of town and heading down to San Fran to take in the city as I have never really done before. The last time was with Megan and Fargo, probably some 5 years ago, heading down for my 27th or 28th birthday.
This weekend is going to be choas, pure and simple. I am staying with the great Jacobe, one of the few people that I still talk to each week from Pullman. He is having to work most of the weekend, but I sure I will get some time in to see him. It is always good to see old friends, even if it is just for a little while.
I arrive at 8am tommorow, bright and early.
Then its off to the consulate... (yes, the proverbial ball is still in play)
Dave on Saturday night and, might I add, quite possibly tommorow night as well. We shall see about that!
Pics will finally be on again as I plan to take many on my trip. Then hopefully I will come back and I will have some good news about the China experience.
Well see about that one.
The last post was and still is of concern, but again somethings happened today that make me, for whatever reason, want to continue down this pathway to see what is at the end of it. My father is right, if I don't see this one to it's conclusion, I will always wonder to myself, what if I.....
So, for now, I bid you fair adue.
Read more!
11 August 2005
Dust in the wind...
good afternoon.
After much deliberation, I am now leaning toward cancellation of my proposed tour of duty in China. After a long a bitter, misunderstanding with the parental units, I no longer feel secure about travelling half way across the globe to a distictly foreign country. There are many reasons for this new change of agenda, but most of it comes from the fact that I do not have the funds to go on my own terms, do not have a savings and limited support from my family.
With all of these things at issue and the fact that the letter of invitation has not arrived today and I need to deliver that piece of paper to the consulate, I am leaning toward cancellation of the entire affair.
I think I am going to plan to leave in a year, compile my savings, try to pay off as many bills as possible and go on my own terms. I no longer feel especially confident that everything that needs to happen in the process is going to happen and if it all did, I dont think I have enough in savings to make it happen.
I am not willing to give everything up to go somewhere that I am not going to have the little bit of support that I have here. If it isnt here, I can manage. If it isn't there, I am fucked.
This process will continue, I will keep attempting to go until something happens, but if all the ducks are lined up and it comes down to just my decision, I am now leaning toward staying here, doing whatever it takes to survive.
Sad.
However, I am leaving for San Fran this weekend, which is going to be a much needed bit of time off. Maybe my thoughts will clear and the sunshine prospect of getting out will shine again, but it seems that the battle is losing its shine. Read more!
After much deliberation, I am now leaning toward cancellation of my proposed tour of duty in China. After a long a bitter, misunderstanding with the parental units, I no longer feel secure about travelling half way across the globe to a distictly foreign country. There are many reasons for this new change of agenda, but most of it comes from the fact that I do not have the funds to go on my own terms, do not have a savings and limited support from my family.
With all of these things at issue and the fact that the letter of invitation has not arrived today and I need to deliver that piece of paper to the consulate, I am leaning toward cancellation of the entire affair.
I think I am going to plan to leave in a year, compile my savings, try to pay off as many bills as possible and go on my own terms. I no longer feel especially confident that everything that needs to happen in the process is going to happen and if it all did, I dont think I have enough in savings to make it happen.
I am not willing to give everything up to go somewhere that I am not going to have the little bit of support that I have here. If it isnt here, I can manage. If it isn't there, I am fucked.
This process will continue, I will keep attempting to go until something happens, but if all the ducks are lined up and it comes down to just my decision, I am now leaning toward staying here, doing whatever it takes to survive.
Sad.
However, I am leaving for San Fran this weekend, which is going to be a much needed bit of time off. Maybe my thoughts will clear and the sunshine prospect of getting out will shine again, but it seems that the battle is losing its shine. Read more!
08 August 2005
So much text,so little time.
Monday morning, summer 2005.
Woke up this morning feeling nice and refreshed, ready for the day--a little too early. Today's business was seemingly important, trying to mask my identity at work, trying to get everything set for this weekend as well as move a little more forward with the China deal. I am now just awaiting the official invite from the University that will allow me entry into the country. I need the official invitation from the University, which is authorized by the local government, which will then allow for me to apply for the Visa to the school, which I need to get from the Chinese consulate in San Francisco.
Confusing, I know, but all the wheels appear to be in motion. Imagine how crazy that it is going to be for the handful of you that actually read this blog to know that it could very well soon be written from China. I can't tell you in words how much I need for all this to happen. I feel as though I am withering away here in Seattle, always looking for the next best thing in a long line of possibilities. Going to China is going to allow me the peace of mind to be okay with where I am in life and accept that where I am-- this is a needed thing for me because I need to get moving on with my writing career more than I can describe--but it doesnt happen here because I am too busy trying to make enough money just to survive.
I have many things to say about this journey that I have taken over the last several years, but I am holding it in until I get to the next plateau and can reflect on the experiences I have had.
I think from time to time we all think we have had it rough in our definations of the reality in which we exist and I don't want my reflections to appear as selfish as I think that they might if I were to check in with them now.
I do know that in order for myself to be in this place that I am right now is not good for me as I am checking out of so many things because I just want to move to this next stage, but its probably for the best when it all comes down to it.
Its a wierd kind of thing, what I have been going through lately, mostly because I have begun to value my time with myself so much that after being at the office all day with people I dont really have anything in common with, I mostly just want to sit and veg or do a little writing--its a strange beast inside of me right now, but one that I think makes the most sense.
My writing is at the strongest level it has been in years and this is due in part to this blog. The fact that I think about it several times a day and want to just write here for the sake of me writing is a good sign that my education certainly paid off in huge ways.
There is something about the written word, misspellings and metaphor that make it the sweetest art of all, but it is such a shame that more people do not take the art of the written word more seriously. Instead we sit back and scan things, looking, looking, looking, but for what?
My guess is that we are looking for that little tidbit of magic that we get when we read--truly read things. The moment where our minds begin to create context around what someone else has put together -- but when we are a culture of scanners, what do we really learn? What do we really create?
As of late, I have had so many different stories running round my brain that I hope to share some of these with you in the near future. I hope to share stories of China, of communism with all of you. I guess we will see in the coming days if that dream might become a reality..... Read more!
Woke up this morning feeling nice and refreshed, ready for the day--a little too early. Today's business was seemingly important, trying to mask my identity at work, trying to get everything set for this weekend as well as move a little more forward with the China deal. I am now just awaiting the official invite from the University that will allow me entry into the country. I need the official invitation from the University, which is authorized by the local government, which will then allow for me to apply for the Visa to the school, which I need to get from the Chinese consulate in San Francisco.
Confusing, I know, but all the wheels appear to be in motion. Imagine how crazy that it is going to be for the handful of you that actually read this blog to know that it could very well soon be written from China. I can't tell you in words how much I need for all this to happen. I feel as though I am withering away here in Seattle, always looking for the next best thing in a long line of possibilities. Going to China is going to allow me the peace of mind to be okay with where I am in life and accept that where I am-- this is a needed thing for me because I need to get moving on with my writing career more than I can describe--but it doesnt happen here because I am too busy trying to make enough money just to survive.
I have many things to say about this journey that I have taken over the last several years, but I am holding it in until I get to the next plateau and can reflect on the experiences I have had.
I think from time to time we all think we have had it rough in our definations of the reality in which we exist and I don't want my reflections to appear as selfish as I think that they might if I were to check in with them now.
I do know that in order for myself to be in this place that I am right now is not good for me as I am checking out of so many things because I just want to move to this next stage, but its probably for the best when it all comes down to it.
Its a wierd kind of thing, what I have been going through lately, mostly because I have begun to value my time with myself so much that after being at the office all day with people I dont really have anything in common with, I mostly just want to sit and veg or do a little writing--its a strange beast inside of me right now, but one that I think makes the most sense.
My writing is at the strongest level it has been in years and this is due in part to this blog. The fact that I think about it several times a day and want to just write here for the sake of me writing is a good sign that my education certainly paid off in huge ways.
There is something about the written word, misspellings and metaphor that make it the sweetest art of all, but it is such a shame that more people do not take the art of the written word more seriously. Instead we sit back and scan things, looking, looking, looking, but for what?
My guess is that we are looking for that little tidbit of magic that we get when we read--truly read things. The moment where our minds begin to create context around what someone else has put together -- but when we are a culture of scanners, what do we really learn? What do we really create?
As of late, I have had so many different stories running round my brain that I hope to share some of these with you in the near future. I hope to share stories of China, of communism with all of you. I guess we will see in the coming days if that dream might become a reality..... Read more!
07 August 2005
Sunday-day
Woke up this morning not feeling like I had slept much at all.
Lately I have been having a better time in dreamland than in reality and it is because my life is so choatic right now that it seems hard to pin anything down emotionally and so my brain works twice as hard as night when the rest of my body is asleep.
But anyway--
I am still waiting to see if the thing with China is going to become a reality or not, but at this point, it does seem that although it could happen, I don't think it will. I will know for sure by the time I go to San Franciso, which is next weekend. If I have the paperwork in hand, ready to go and apply for the visa, then I will do it. If I do not have the paperwork ready to go, then I will have to abort the mission due to time constraints because I will not be able to afford the ticket.
So it goes.
At this point it could really go either way, but for right now there are so many unanswered issues that it is difficult to see which way is going to work for the best. I know that if this does not work, I am not on the right path.
Then again, I cant feel too bad-- next week its DMB TIME !!!!
Three shows in the span of one week. Saturday night in San Fran, then two in the Gorge. Depending on the China situation, I might be selling my gorge tickets, but we'll see. I still dont have a solid taker for the other tickets, but I will have to start working on that!!!
Ayway, its my day off and I need to get some exercise and some other things taken care of. Much more to write, but so little time to do it in.
Hope all is well Read more!
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