The common question when seeing people that I haven't seen in a bit is a mixture of questions of the past and the future-- how was the wedding and how is it without your wife not being in the country?
At this point in my life, I feel like I am in limbo, no direction, no way home, just waiting, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the moment when my wife is allowed to enter the country so that we can then begin our lives together.
This time has not been easy, so difficult that at times you try not to think of it, whatever you have to do to get away from it, to get away from the reality of your life being on hold because of the government.
During this time, I have had the opportunity to work on myself the way that I have wanted to since coming back from China-- losing the weight that I quickly put on from spending a year in China. I lost 50 pounds in China and gained 100 coming back. I made a promise to myself when I got married and could barely fit into a suit that enough was enough-- I was going to take my life back and begin to make decisions that need to be made because I want to have a life and I want to be a role model for my children-- someone that they can look up to in any case.
So I have spent the last three months going to the gym and trying to take care of myself, trying to develop myself into a routine, getting things straight, mentally and physically so that I could begin this new life with my wife, fresh and anew.
Today was a celebratory breaking point-- I reached the first of my goals since undertaking this challenge and it was done with the help of the Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness, a complex double album of songs that supposedly chronicle the different stages of life, from sadness to joy to anger to enlightenment...
I have listened to this album hundreds of times, seen the band perform it live in their pajamas and it is one of the en grained soundtracks of my life. It is one of the strongest albums ever recorded and each time I listen to it, I think about all the times around it in life.
In some ways it seems like the perfect thing to listen to while hitting the elliptical machine for 60 minutes-- and the first part of Mellon Collie lasts 56 minutes-- so I am looking forward to hitting the next part of the album on the next goal-- or maybe on the plane as I am going to see my wife for the first time in months...
But I am keeping my head up, looking forward to the future, one moment at a time...
Hope youre all well.
Read more!
